Northeast Ohio weather and science blog covering severe storms, long term outlooks, climate, behavioral meteorology, technology and other observations
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Future Telephone Conversation with Nathan's Teacher
Some background first. My son sometimes eats 10% of his bodyweight in ONE DAY so needless to say, he really likes food. If this continues (probably not due to the impossibility of eating 10% of say 50 pounds when he's a kid) then this mock conversation will occur something like this:
(September 13, 2013, 5:10PM)
The phone rings...
School: "Is this the father of Nathan?"
Me: "Yes."
School: "Your son Nathan is very active."
(That's school teacher code for "HE'S A SPAZ")
Me: "Yes, I know."
School: "He really likes to run around."
(Again, school teacher code for "HE'S REALLY HYPER")
Me: "Yeah. He loves to play outside."
(That's father code for "MY SON IS AN ATHLETE")
School: "Is your son eatting and sleeping good?"
(That's code for: "DO YOU FEED YOUR SON PURE SUGAR FOR BREAKFAST?")
Me: "Oh yes. He loves to eat and he goes to bed at 8PM every night!"
(Father code for: "NO, WE DON'T LET OUR SON WATCH HOURS OF TV")
School: "DOES NATHAN SHARE WITH YOU HOW HIS DAY WAS?"
(Translation: "ARE YOU AN ACTIVE PARTICIPANT IN YOUR SON'S LIFE?"
Me: "WHAT'S YOUR POINT WITH ALL OF THIS?"
School: "WELL, HE SEEMS A BIT WOUND UP."
(Translation: "HE'S OUT OF CONTROL!"
ME: "HE' A REAL HAPPY KID."
School: "YOU COULD SAY THAT."
(Translation: "THIS CAN'T BE REAL---NO ONE IS THIS HAPPY--HE MUST BE ON MEDICATION.")
ME: "IS EVERYTHING OKAY?"
School: "I just wanted to touch base with you now that the school year is 3 weeks in."
(Translation: "WE'RE WATCHING YOUR SON")
ME: "THAT NICE OF YOU."
(Translation: "THAT'S NICE BUT WHY ARE YOU REALLY CALLING?")
School: "ONE OTHER THING: YOUR SON HAS ALOT OF ENERGY AND WANTS TO DO EVERYTHING IN THE CLASSROOM."
Me: "YEAH, HE'S AN OUTGOING KID."
School: "YES...BUT."
ME: "DOES HE GET STRAIGHT A'S"
Me: "DOES HE TREAT THE OTHER KIDS GOOD?"
School: "YES...BUT."
Me: "THEN WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?"
School: "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU THIS..."
Me: "YOU WON'T OFFEND ME. JUST LAY IT OUT THERE."
School: "OKAY, SIR... HERE IT GOES...YOUR SON HAS EATEN ALL OF THE FOOD IN THE CAFETERIA"
(Translation: "YOUR SON HAS EATEN ALL OF THE FOOD IN THE CAFETERIA!")
Me: "YES, OUR SON HAS A BIG APPETITE. IS HE BREAKING ANY RULES?"
SCHOOL: "NO, NOT REALLY."
Me: "WE GIVE HIM 27 DOLLARS FOR LUNCH. IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT?"
School: "UH, NO. I GUESS NOT."
Me: "IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE?"
School: "NO SIR. JUST LETTING YOU KNOW OF HIS EATING HABITS."
Me: "THAT'S MY BOY!"
School: "HAVE A GOOD DAY"
Me: "BUH...BYE"
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