1. When using a video camera, you keep the lense cap attached to the camera via the cord so that it dangles in front as you shoot a family reunion or Christmas party.
Just take the damn thing off the cord. Either that or buy a camera that had a lense cover built in. This will save you countless hours of ridicule by distant relatives who have nothing better to do on a two hour car ride back home.
2. You use the word "cool" and "awesome".
Yes, these descriptive words were super-popular back in the 1970s and 1980s but now in 2006, it's become so intertwinned in the lexicon of most people that everyone from Aunt Gertrude to Grandma Ester drops a "that's pretty cool" blast every once and a while. Here's a tip: If a relative born before 1950 uses "cool" to describe something, its probably a good idea to retire it from your repertoire.
3. You wear white socks that are higher than your ankles.
Don't reinact an episode of Eight is Enough by pretending your big brother David who always sported high white socks with three orange horizontal stripes on top. This is almost as bad a wearing black socks while mowing the lawn. This rule can be waved if doing outdoors work such as spreading mulch or using a chain saw minus the orange stripes.
4. You send forwarded emails.
As mentioned in a previous blog entry, performing this activity only reinforces the fact, whether true or not, that you believe this email thing is brand new technology. The truth: EMAIL has been around since the 1960s. The "@" sign was used in emails in the 1970s. In other words, sending forwarded emails shows your not hip. That's not good.
5. You don't know who Jessica Simpson is.
She's dumb but incredibly popular. (At the very least, she plays a dumb blonde on TV) A correct way to rectify this is to watch Entertainment Tonight. They're sure to have some story on her divorce from her "no talent" husband Nick Lachey. You'll get all of the information you need--and some you won't--on Jessica Simpson or enough to fill a few lines on a short answer test.
6. You wear shorts that show your legs above the knee.
I've made this mistake a few times and was corrected by my collegiate brother. This isn't 1990 anymore, or 1995 for that matter. Seeing your quad (quadricep) below the bottom of your shorts is almost as bad as wearing plaid shorts found at Goodwill.
Shorts must at the very least cover ALL of your leg above your knee. It doesn't have to necessarily cover the knee but it should be long enough so that someone doesn't mistake you for John Stockton--all-time NBA Assists leader. (See Picture Above) Styles have changed so step it up.
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