No, we haven't gone belly-up

For those of you who have been wondering why there haven't been any new postings in recent weeks, wonder no more.

Yes, the Evening with Sabs writing staff is still here and in business. However, I like to give the employees a break during the dog-days of summer to recharge their creative minds. This year, I gave them 3 weeks of paid vacation--many have called it a sabbaticle of sorts.

Some take this time for internal reflection. Others go to Vegas and gamble. I, on the other hand, went on vacation with my family to South Carolina (Pictures Forthcoming).

Now more than two weeks removed from vacation and my time for reflection is complete, here are a few of my realizations on the experience:

1. Unlike most adults, my 13 month old son can control 10 people

2. My mom swears when she plays miniature golf

3. Unlike at home, you'll pay triple for water on vacation when your really hot

4. Sand is difficult to wash out of your child's curly hair

5. Minivans still suck

Speed Trailers

Why. Please tell me why our local tax dollars are being used to purchase these overgrown speedometers on wheels?

Just the other day in my fair suburban town, I noticed yet another one of these beacons of "safety spending" standing on the side of a major thoroughfare which I travel at least 5 days a week. Yes, yes I know. Driving fast (women who put makeup on while driving and cell phones are probably higher) is the cause of most accidents and we should all be more aware of our speed. No agrument here. But do we really need to have it broadcasted in neon lights on the side of the road? I don't know about you but I usually know how fast I drive. Why? BECAUSE I KNOW WHERE MY FREAKING DASHBOARD SPEEDOMETER IS!

So why do I need to have my speed flashed up on an overgrown LiteBright on wheels when all I need to do is look down over the steering wheel?

What. Like this huge speedometer-on-a-trailer is going to be a huge speed deterant? Seriously, how many of you upon noticing the police speed trailer slam the petal to the floor to see how fast you can get it to register before you pass it? If anything, these police speed trailers turn roads into glorified carnival attractions. Instead of paying a dollar to a carnie to see how fast you can throw a baseball into a bunch of metal milk bottles, your testing your car's upper velocity limit on a 200 foot stretch of side street. Hell, it might as well say "Go ahead a punch it!"

Now I'm all about safety. I run into too many people daily who think the word: "School Zone" is code for "Indy 500". The last thing I want to see happen is someone killed by a jackass speeding.

Still, unless there is a cop with a radar gun on the otherside of the speed trailer, don't look for me to pay too much attention to these things. And, not that I would, but if I go too fast, I have my own little notification system and its far more effective. MY WIFE!

Ultimate Garden Update: DAY 51

Most of you could probably care less about gardens or growing a garden in the backyard. After all, its easier to go to the store and buy a few tomatoes or peppers. Ah, but is it cheaper? No way in hell.

June 5th

Here are the pictures taken on day 51 to prove it. Keep in mind that the vegatables lie under the dense foliage.

June 29th

July 22nd

Tobacco - July 22nd

The Colonel's Birthday

(UPDATE: SOME AT THE COLONEL'S WORK RECOGNIZED HIS BIRTHDAY...IGNORE THE REST OF THIS POST...EXCEPT THE KENNY ROGERS PART)

I was going to publish my bi-weekly garden update (complete with pictures of zucchini and tobacco) but something has come up that is far greater in importance. Allow me to explain:

The age of 32 is an important age in that you now have officially entered the "early 30s" realm. Sure, our number system dictates that 30 and 31 are in the early 30s range but there is something about 32 that says "thirty-something" and "responsibility" more than 30 or 31. Maybe its the stark realization that having kids suddenly make you oblivious to the world like you thought your parents were growing up. Suddenly, the free-wheeling days of your twenties are instaneously replaced with adult, parental duties that aren't that glamerous but infinitely more important.

Enough of my diatribe. One of our collegues in the blogging world has just turned 32. He also claims to resemble Kenny Rogers. Let's compare:

"The Colonel"

Kenny Rogers

The Colonel looks a bit uncertain whereas Kenny seems very confident and neatly groomed. Frankly, I don't see the similarities but maybe some of you do. Anyway, The Colonel is the parent of twin girls and is waiting for someone at work to recognize his special day. As cheezy as this sounds, let's give his birthday proper recognition here at "Evening with Sabs"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY COLONEL!

Nathan's Birthday Cake Photos

As requested by many loyal readers, here are two of the best "Nathan destroying his cake" photos. ENJOY!

Fatherhood: ONE YEAR RETROSPECTIVE

(Note: Pictures are in this order: BIRTH, 3 MONTHS, 6 MONTHS, 9 MONTHS, ONE YEAR)

"Me as a father. " Are you kidding me?"

More than a year ago when my wife was less than 4 weeks out from giving birth, that exact thought was going through mind countless times and faster than I could handle it.

Remember, I'm that guy who still plays baseball (hardball not softball) competitively with collegiate players, has four video game systems, 389 Star Wars Action Figures in boxes, 10,000 baseball cards and more than 500 comic books among other miscellaneous "collectibles" who never thought he'd get married much less be responsible for another human being. In summary: I'm a kid in an adult body and in some respects, doesn't want to grow up.

One full year has passed since my wonderful son Nathan has graced us with his presence and I must say that when I still think of myself as a "father", it still sounds a bit foreign. Have you ever had a little kid refer to you with by your last name, i.e. Mr. Smith or Mrs. Jones? The fatherhood concept for me even now is like being broadsided with a "Hello, Mr. Smith" when you've never been referred to by your last name before.

Growing into my role as a father has been a slow yet relaxing and comfortable process. Looking back, it wasn't always "comfortable". Those early months when a newborn is basically a poop and vomit factory were nerve-racking for this first time parent. Our son was born a month early so we were so concerned with him putting on weight. The next thing you know, he was having stomach issues which was diagnosed as "overfeeding syndrome".

"What in the hell is this? How many new 'syndromes' are there and are you making this one up?" Yes, I actually said that to the doctor.

Anyway, I was so afraid of screwing something up whether it was allowing him to suck in too much air or forgetting to change his diaper thinking that this was going to cause irreversible harm. I know, every parent goes through it. But the thought of every parent over the last ten thousand years having the same fears didn't matter. To me, I was the only one experiencing this. After all, those billions of parents before me weren't the ones holding my son feeding him milk at 2AM.

Then by month three, I had the whole feeding, changing and sleeping process down to a science and ultimately came to this conclusion: Unless you have zero patience, can't count or have very little balance, anyone can feed a baby, change a baby's diaper and rock a baby to sleep. Not to overly simplify my role but fatherhood as I defined it hadn't kicked in at that point. Caretaker might have been a better description of my role.

(Note: At the risk of being subpoenaed for plagerism in reference to my usage of the word "CARETAKER" in the previous paragraph, we here at Evening With Sabs wish to give a proper reference to "CARETAKER" in the article first seen at ColonelT at colonelt.com. See the Colonel's 4th point)

It wasn't until my son turned 6 months that his personality became a distinguishing characteristic and the term "fatherhood" became near and dear to me. Let's be honest. Babies from newborn age to about 3 or 4 months old aren't the most fun so this moment was what I was waiting for. It was at this point that I realized that my influence as a parent was making a difference. He was responding to me; he looked when he heard my voice. Talk about being blown away! The moment that my son recognized my voice and ONLY responded to me and not another person aside from my wife was as powerful as the moment he was born. I don't whether it was an involuntary reaction or what the actual neurological/psychiological term for it was but it wasn't some random fluke. HE RESPONDED TO ME. He was looking to me for guidance. Fatherhood as I always knew it to be defined had just begun. At that millisecond in time, the feeling that I was experiencing duplicated the feeling I had when my wife and I found out that we were to become parents:

PURE HAPPINESS AND ULTIMATE TERROR!

The molding of my son was beginning and I was in the driver's seat. "What if" scenerios started flashing in and out of my head faster than my left-brained mind could process. After several weeks of overload caused by my runaway mind driven by the endless permutations of what being a poor parent might yield, I made myself take a more relaxed approach to fatherhood. No longer do I dwell on the "what could happen if" scenarios. I'm just having fun and the parenting, as I see it now--will take it's course in due time.

Now at one year, my son Nathan knows what he wants and isn't afraid to tell you. He is mobile (crawling and walking a bit) and is a blast to play with! Sure he busts out the attitude if you take away the box of Cheerios at breakfast or the super-big 32 ounce cup that he thinks he can drink from but that's all a part of the journey.

Its taken this long for me to realize what my mindset needs to stay in to be the very best father I can be for my one year old. I'm sure that I will continue to reevaluate my father skills at year two, year three and so on. But as my parents and in-laws tell me, "that's the magic that is parenting".

My take on being a parent: You never stop learning, you never stop teaching and you should never stop having fun.

So back to the question.

"Me as a father. "Are you kidding me?"

Nope. And I couldn't be happier!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NATHAN!

Ultimate Garden: Day 30

On June 1st when I planted the second annual "Ultimate Garden", my worst fear was a super-dry summer similar to last summer when I was frantically supplementing my garden with city water right from the spigot. Sure, its void of nitrogen but it saved the garden. Of course, a bit of Miracle-Gro every 7 days transformed the tomatoes from wilted weed-like vines to lush, tree-trunk-esque shrubs which made the tomatoes grow faster than Barry Bonds' head.

So far this year, we've had between 4 and 7 inches of rain. Last year, we had a little over an inch during the month of June.

Stats aside, here are the pictures comparing the first few days in June to the last few days of the month.

My First Father's Day

Nothing against my dad but I never really thought of Father's Day as a big deal...that is until I became a father myself. Last Sunday was my first Father's Day and I must say, it was very special. I know that my son Nathan won't remember it because he's only a year old but my wife and I will.

At the store a few days before, Nathan picked out a new pop-up baby book which we read Sunday evening before bed. Heck, he even got me this really cool "My Dad Rules" coffee mug which I proudly display at work amidst my desk full of family pictures.

But, as with most holidays, there is always some unorthodox set of events that occur at the most inopportune time that make the holiday something to remember. In this case, many of the events didn't occur on Father's Day itself but occurred on the days surrounding it which made the weekend as a whole very long and of course, memorable.

Rather than go into a diatribe of details describing my extended weekend spanning the four day period from last Thursday through Father's Day and ending Monday morning, I would like to borrow and idea that the colonel used in his post describing his Father's Day.

Let's play: "Can you pick what event DIDN'T happen."

Here are your choices. They are listed in random order.

1. Gracie, my dog, ate 7 ounces of chocolate and had to be rushed to the emergency veterinary hospital

2. My wife threw up after eating dinner

3. The computer crashed

4. I ran two miles and then lifted weights for an hour culminating in five sets of pullups in my basement.

5. My dog developed a bladder infection

6. My wife, me and my son Nathan had brunch with my parents, sisters and brother along with his god parents. Everything was great. Nothing newsworthy happened.

7. I was locked out of the house

8. My one year old son vacuumed the family room with a real vacuum cleaner

If you answered NUMBER 3 then you are correct. The other seven items were all true .

UNBELIEVABLE Storm Clouds

Something you don't normally see in Ohio is a "Shelf Cloud" or an Arcus Cloud. Last night, a squall line developed around 8PM and produced a fast-moving Arcus Cloud. They rarely produce any rain themselves. Its the massive Cumulonimbus Clouds behind the Arcus Cloud that contain the rain/hail/severe weather.

Arcus Cloud - Northwest View

Arcus Cloud #2

Arcus Cloud - West View

Mammatus Cloud - After Arcus Cloud Passage

Television Viewing Habits

My television viewing habits have had a major overhaul over the last year since becoming a father. Come to think of it, "overhaul" isn't the right descriptor. The word "non-existent" fits so much better.


I went from not missing an episode of 24 to being 8 episodes behind with no appreciable chance to catch up on those episodes. For all I know, Jack Bauer could have changed identity again and I would be totally left in the dark as Season 6 begins next January.

Aside from 24 and other hit FOX shows like American Idol (not a big fan), I have no idea what shows are popular and what ones are not. Most of my family room time is either spent reading, vacuuming or watching PBS programs like Arthur or Clifford the Big Red Dog or Its a Big, Big World starring Snook and his friends.

Why do I know that?

Being a parent of an almost one year old baby, television becomes less and less a driving force in ones life. It's a shame really.

That's about to change.

After a year on hiatus, it's now time to rekindle the television experience. A solid recommittment back to the glory days of lounging on the couch spending good quality time staring at a box gleaming with moving color pictures of activity spanning a multitude of genres at the expense of house upkeep and paying bills. Look, not that my life has to revolve around television. But taking some time to reacquaint ones self with the remote is our American duty. Remember, nothing says "My brain is shut down until further notice" more than a day chalked full of television entertainment.

Popularity aside, here is my list (in no particular order) of television shows that I would watch if I had unlimited free time.

1. 24

The hit FOX show which airs on Monday nights at 9PM just ended its 5th season. Viewers have to suspend disbelief due to the inordinate amount of "stuff" that that happens in one episode (one hour of real time) in Los Angeles. If you've driven in L.A., try getting more than five miles in less than a half an hour. If the show took place in North Dakota, no problem. But L.A.? Nope. Not happening. Seriously, superb writing makes this show what it is along with Keifer Sutherland's innate ability in keeping his facial hair at 2 days growth.


2. House

Another FOX show I thought wouldn't last mainly because it was another medical drama. Boy was I wrong. Hugh Laurie who plays Dr. Greg House is masterful. After watching one episode, Mr. Laurie (born and raised in england) will make you believe that he is really from the states.

3. The Sopranos

Honestly, I've never watched an episode because I don't have HBO but I figure any show with gangsters (not gangstas) is good in my book.

4. Mythbusters

Create a show that revolves around experiments you always wanted to try as a kid but never had the stuff to do it. That's Mythbusters. What kind of gun if shot into a lake would not reach you if you were hiding from bad guys under the water? The answer awaits you on Mythbusters.

5. Family Guy

Yes, FOX has done it again with this irreverent animated comedy about a dysfunctional family with a talking dog and a baby that is bent on world domination. Add in a few 80s pop-cultural references and its a half hour of quality entertainment as long as your not easily offended.

6. Desperate Housewives

Okay, I put this on the list because its the popular thing to do. I don't watch it and I'm not real geeked up at the prospects of one day seeing it. Housewives in suburbia. That's all I know. But if Eva Longoria stays on the show then maybe a ten minute paroozing of this one hour drama will be in order in the fall.

7. Scrubs

Another medical show that I thought was doomed when it aired in 2001. For 5 seasons, its held its own on NBC and has become a cult favorite. The plot surrounds a young doctor who is trying to learn the ways of medicine, friendship and life. The characters all deliver their lines in a quick, sometimes sarcastic, comically steady tone. For instance, Dr. Cox played by John McGinley plays an intimidating character oozing with sarcasm but deep down, has a heart of gold. By far, the best character on the show. However, his perm has to go.

8. American Idol

So many parents are looking for a family oriented show versus content driven by sex and violence. Enter American Idol...or American Karaoke as radio talk show host Jim Rome refers to it. The plot: Get a group of singer wannabees who have no job, send them to Hollywood, tell them they are the best entertainers since Frank Sinatra and Bob Hope, give them a mic and have them sing. At the end of the season, every karaoker will end up going home dejected only to realize that they're only good enough to sing at Flea Markets and County Fairs. The winner, although not guaranteed, might actually have a singing career. after its all over. Last season, a grey haired 29 year old won the whole thing. Come on. The guy is really 48! Anyway, tune in for more wacky wannabee singer hijinx during season 6 starting in January of 2007.

9. The Daily Show

Forget the liberal bias or the conservative slant in daily news. The Daily Show hosted by Jon Stewart is the news stripped down and presented in a satirical manner with a ton of embellishment. In other words, it entirely fake but pure comedic perfection.

10. Lost

A very hot show. Survivors of a plane crash are forced to live with each other on a remote island. Gilligan's Island this isn't.

There you have it. But alas, I have no unlimited free time so all of this TV watching won't be happening. Well...maybe an episode of 24. After all, it was a cliffhanger. When do they go to the bathroom?