Random Parental Observations

While I enjoy some delicious stir-fry for lunch that my lovely wife made last night (even better as leftovers), I've been pondering what this fall and winter has in store for me being that my son, who is almost 15 months now, has a comprehension list of at least two dozen words. Those words range from "bottle" and "blankie" to "subacromial decompression". Everytime I ask Nathan what part of daddy was operated on last year with a procedure called Subacromial Decompression, he immediately points to my right shoulder. Amazing. By Halloween, he'll be beating mommy and daddy at Scrabble.

His level of comprehension and mobility certainly makes days very entertaining. You can interact with him more than ever before. He even has a favorite baseball bat picked out from my collection which he drags around the house.

But I believe that this fall and winter will be especially enjoyable. I can't wait to jump in piles of leaves in October to a hayride around halloween with my little bruiser. And how will he respond to the first snow? Who knows. Maybe he'll react like me when I was 11 when I tried to shovel the entire backyard in early November because of my immense disdain of frozan precipitation. That's a story for another time.

Nathan is even showing an interest in video games! You know, the basic ones like Tetris and Ms. Pac-Man.

He's also diving head first into mommy's purse no doubt looking to score some cash. Sure, now its coins that strike his fancy. From what I am told, kids' craving for money will only get worse as they get older as the denominations of the dollar they demand become larger.

Do you think my wife will mind if I buy the new Nintendo video game system which comes out on her birthday to "share" with our child?

You know what? Being a parent is and will continue to be the best thing ever!

Where have we gone?

Contrary to popular belief among the blogging world, "eveningwithsabs" is not defunct. The chatrooms are filled with conspiracy theories speculating on the dormancy of our blog. Some claim that we are a secret government department--kind of like Area 51--whose job it is to do covert intelligence operations that will have political and socio-economic implications in third world countries and that Bono is really pissed. A few have even postulated that we have manipulated the universe on the quantum level creating a rift that has changed the alignment of the solar system and that we are responsible for Pluto being kicked out of our local planetary fraternity.

These erroneous rumors, bordering on apocalyptic need to be put to rest with some clarification.
One, we are not in the intelligence business although I'd love a tour of Area 51. (Does Will Smith live there with Tommy Lee Jones?)

We do not, nor does anyone else, have the capability of manipulating the fabric of the quantum world in interstellar space creating rifts that are felt on the planetary scale although that does seem kind of cool.

You know what the REAL reason for our blogging sabbaticle?...our hibernation from communication?

Truth be told, I've been a lazy bastard and frankly too busy!

However.......I now promise to rededicate myself and the rest of the team to produce fun, informative AND entertaining tidbits for you pleasure. The first of which will be later on this week with some badly overdue vacation picture from last month.

There. I got that off of my chest. Happy now?

The Rapid Departure of Summer

I just finished a graphic illustrating the 6th named tropical storm of the season named Florence (which resides in the central Atlantic) when it hit me: Summer is basically over! I'm guessing this thought was coalescing inside my cerebral cortex ever since daytime temperatures fell to a pedestrian 73 with heavy cloud cover but it just took a week or so for it to surface.

Whatever the catalyst, September is here and I'm caught in the middle of being distraught at the loss of daylight and afternoon heat with the relaxing feel of cooler nights and mild days coupled with a fountain of colors spanning the entire spectrum which will soon blanket the leaves (due to the absence of chlorophyll) as autumn begins.

Honestly, I love summer but I love autumn even more. It reminds me of splitting wood with my dad, my mom taking all of kids to ball practice after school, playing football in the backyard in Hudson, the smell of the wet leaves on the ground as we raked them up after an afternoon rain, the Browns when they were good.....you know, the good things about the changing of the seasons.

Now the "not so good" things.....

We've already seen the emmergence of those dark, mid-level clouds on more than one occassion which foreshadows not only prolonged overcast days but yes, the return of lake effect snow.

The road construction on the interstates is either finished of winding down. This in and of itself is great but it also signifies the return of colder weather and eventually salt trucks.

The Indians are almost mathematically eliminated from the playoffs.

The Browns have gone through 57 starting Centers and the season hasn't even begun yet.

So unless someone has invented a method of changing the tilt of the earth on it's axis, the warm of summer will soon be a distant memory the leaves will soon be a sea of brilliant colors and the snow will be flying.

I can't wait!

One Less Planet in the Solar System

Yes, its true. Some dorky, 40-something...well, actually 2,500 dorky, 40-something astronomers from 75 countries who still live in their parents' basement have all of a sudden decided to redefine what a planet is. According to the Associated Press, it concluded a "...tumultuous week of clashing over the essence of the cosmos."

Contemplating the "essence of the cosmos" constitutes a tumultous week? Are they serious?

Heck, a tumultuous week for the other 99% of us working stiffs is getting a speeding ticket followed by a flat tire on the freeway driving home from work after getting chewed out by your boss. Two days later, you kids get sick and by Friday, they've passed on their illness to you just in time for the weekend. That's a tumultuous week. But I digress.

Here is their new definition of a planet:

"A celestial body that is in orbit around the sun, has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a ... nearly round shape, and has cleared the neighborhood around its orbit." After "careful" deliberation, these same astronomers have concluded that Pluto is not a planet any more. Instead, it will be classified as a "dwarf planet" similar to astroids and comets.

Guess what? No one really gives a damn.

Look, I am the king of science dorks. I've memorized PI to 75 decimal places, read books on cosmology and in my spare time, I've been known to dable in formulating new ways to express baseball statistics. But herein lies the difference between me and the aforementioned astronomers:

1) I am aware that my interests are on the dorky side. Most of these astronomers are clueless about their level of dorkitude.

2) My wife is hot.

3) I am athletically inclined.

Sure, I am stereotyping a bit but don't tell me that these stereotypes aren't true 90% of the time.

I know, mom always said to respect everyone for who they are. I get that.

I'll even admit, maybe I'm being a bit harsh. But I can tell you this: I won't be redoing my 3rd grade planet project made out of spray painted styrofoam balls taking into account the now defunct planet. Honestly, I don't know if the restructuring of the Solar System is bigger news or knowing that their are more than 2,000 astronomy science geeks who have never kissed a girl.

No, we haven't gone belly-up

For those of you who have been wondering why there haven't been any new postings in recent weeks, wonder no more.

Yes, the Evening with Sabs writing staff is still here and in business. However, I like to give the employees a break during the dog-days of summer to recharge their creative minds. This year, I gave them 3 weeks of paid vacation--many have called it a sabbaticle of sorts.

Some take this time for internal reflection. Others go to Vegas and gamble. I, on the other hand, went on vacation with my family to South Carolina (Pictures Forthcoming).

Now more than two weeks removed from vacation and my time for reflection is complete, here are a few of my realizations on the experience:

1. Unlike most adults, my 13 month old son can control 10 people

2. My mom swears when she plays miniature golf

3. Unlike at home, you'll pay triple for water on vacation when your really hot

4. Sand is difficult to wash out of your child's curly hair

5. Minivans still suck

Speed Trailers

Why. Please tell me why our local tax dollars are being used to purchase these overgrown speedometers on wheels?

Just the other day in my fair suburban town, I noticed yet another one of these beacons of "safety spending" standing on the side of a major thoroughfare which I travel at least 5 days a week. Yes, yes I know. Driving fast (women who put makeup on while driving and cell phones are probably higher) is the cause of most accidents and we should all be more aware of our speed. No agrument here. But do we really need to have it broadcasted in neon lights on the side of the road? I don't know about you but I usually know how fast I drive. Why? BECAUSE I KNOW WHERE MY FREAKING DASHBOARD SPEEDOMETER IS!

So why do I need to have my speed flashed up on an overgrown LiteBright on wheels when all I need to do is look down over the steering wheel?

What. Like this huge speedometer-on-a-trailer is going to be a huge speed deterant? Seriously, how many of you upon noticing the police speed trailer slam the petal to the floor to see how fast you can get it to register before you pass it? If anything, these police speed trailers turn roads into glorified carnival attractions. Instead of paying a dollar to a carnie to see how fast you can throw a baseball into a bunch of metal milk bottles, your testing your car's upper velocity limit on a 200 foot stretch of side street. Hell, it might as well say "Go ahead a punch it!"

Now I'm all about safety. I run into too many people daily who think the word: "School Zone" is code for "Indy 500". The last thing I want to see happen is someone killed by a jackass speeding.

Still, unless there is a cop with a radar gun on the otherside of the speed trailer, don't look for me to pay too much attention to these things. And, not that I would, but if I go too fast, I have my own little notification system and its far more effective. MY WIFE!

Ultimate Garden Update: DAY 51

Most of you could probably care less about gardens or growing a garden in the backyard. After all, its easier to go to the store and buy a few tomatoes or peppers. Ah, but is it cheaper? No way in hell.

June 5th

Here are the pictures taken on day 51 to prove it. Keep in mind that the vegatables lie under the dense foliage.

June 29th

July 22nd

Tobacco - July 22nd

The Colonel's Birthday

(UPDATE: SOME AT THE COLONEL'S WORK RECOGNIZED HIS BIRTHDAY...IGNORE THE REST OF THIS POST...EXCEPT THE KENNY ROGERS PART)

I was going to publish my bi-weekly garden update (complete with pictures of zucchini and tobacco) but something has come up that is far greater in importance. Allow me to explain:

The age of 32 is an important age in that you now have officially entered the "early 30s" realm. Sure, our number system dictates that 30 and 31 are in the early 30s range but there is something about 32 that says "thirty-something" and "responsibility" more than 30 or 31. Maybe its the stark realization that having kids suddenly make you oblivious to the world like you thought your parents were growing up. Suddenly, the free-wheeling days of your twenties are instaneously replaced with adult, parental duties that aren't that glamerous but infinitely more important.

Enough of my diatribe. One of our collegues in the blogging world has just turned 32. He also claims to resemble Kenny Rogers. Let's compare:

"The Colonel"

Kenny Rogers

The Colonel looks a bit uncertain whereas Kenny seems very confident and neatly groomed. Frankly, I don't see the similarities but maybe some of you do. Anyway, The Colonel is the parent of twin girls and is waiting for someone at work to recognize his special day. As cheezy as this sounds, let's give his birthday proper recognition here at "Evening with Sabs"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY COLONEL!

Nathan's Birthday Cake Photos

As requested by many loyal readers, here are two of the best "Nathan destroying his cake" photos. ENJOY!

Fatherhood: ONE YEAR RETROSPECTIVE

(Note: Pictures are in this order: BIRTH, 3 MONTHS, 6 MONTHS, 9 MONTHS, ONE YEAR)

"Me as a father. " Are you kidding me?"

More than a year ago when my wife was less than 4 weeks out from giving birth, that exact thought was going through mind countless times and faster than I could handle it.

Remember, I'm that guy who still plays baseball (hardball not softball) competitively with collegiate players, has four video game systems, 389 Star Wars Action Figures in boxes, 10,000 baseball cards and more than 500 comic books among other miscellaneous "collectibles" who never thought he'd get married much less be responsible for another human being. In summary: I'm a kid in an adult body and in some respects, doesn't want to grow up.

One full year has passed since my wonderful son Nathan has graced us with his presence and I must say that when I still think of myself as a "father", it still sounds a bit foreign. Have you ever had a little kid refer to you with by your last name, i.e. Mr. Smith or Mrs. Jones? The fatherhood concept for me even now is like being broadsided with a "Hello, Mr. Smith" when you've never been referred to by your last name before.

Growing into my role as a father has been a slow yet relaxing and comfortable process. Looking back, it wasn't always "comfortable". Those early months when a newborn is basically a poop and vomit factory were nerve-racking for this first time parent. Our son was born a month early so we were so concerned with him putting on weight. The next thing you know, he was having stomach issues which was diagnosed as "overfeeding syndrome".

"What in the hell is this? How many new 'syndromes' are there and are you making this one up?" Yes, I actually said that to the doctor.

Anyway, I was so afraid of screwing something up whether it was allowing him to suck in too much air or forgetting to change his diaper thinking that this was going to cause irreversible harm. I know, every parent goes through it. But the thought of every parent over the last ten thousand years having the same fears didn't matter. To me, I was the only one experiencing this. After all, those billions of parents before me weren't the ones holding my son feeding him milk at 2AM.

Then by month three, I had the whole feeding, changing and sleeping process down to a science and ultimately came to this conclusion: Unless you have zero patience, can't count or have very little balance, anyone can feed a baby, change a baby's diaper and rock a baby to sleep. Not to overly simplify my role but fatherhood as I defined it hadn't kicked in at that point. Caretaker might have been a better description of my role.

(Note: At the risk of being subpoenaed for plagerism in reference to my usage of the word "CARETAKER" in the previous paragraph, we here at Evening With Sabs wish to give a proper reference to "CARETAKER" in the article first seen at ColonelT at colonelt.com. See the Colonel's 4th point)

It wasn't until my son turned 6 months that his personality became a distinguishing characteristic and the term "fatherhood" became near and dear to me. Let's be honest. Babies from newborn age to about 3 or 4 months old aren't the most fun so this moment was what I was waiting for. It was at this point that I realized that my influence as a parent was making a difference. He was responding to me; he looked when he heard my voice. Talk about being blown away! The moment that my son recognized my voice and ONLY responded to me and not another person aside from my wife was as powerful as the moment he was born. I don't whether it was an involuntary reaction or what the actual neurological/psychiological term for it was but it wasn't some random fluke. HE RESPONDED TO ME. He was looking to me for guidance. Fatherhood as I always knew it to be defined had just begun. At that millisecond in time, the feeling that I was experiencing duplicated the feeling I had when my wife and I found out that we were to become parents:

PURE HAPPINESS AND ULTIMATE TERROR!

The molding of my son was beginning and I was in the driver's seat. "What if" scenerios started flashing in and out of my head faster than my left-brained mind could process. After several weeks of overload caused by my runaway mind driven by the endless permutations of what being a poor parent might yield, I made myself take a more relaxed approach to fatherhood. No longer do I dwell on the "what could happen if" scenarios. I'm just having fun and the parenting, as I see it now--will take it's course in due time.

Now at one year, my son Nathan knows what he wants and isn't afraid to tell you. He is mobile (crawling and walking a bit) and is a blast to play with! Sure he busts out the attitude if you take away the box of Cheerios at breakfast or the super-big 32 ounce cup that he thinks he can drink from but that's all a part of the journey.

Its taken this long for me to realize what my mindset needs to stay in to be the very best father I can be for my one year old. I'm sure that I will continue to reevaluate my father skills at year two, year three and so on. But as my parents and in-laws tell me, "that's the magic that is parenting".

My take on being a parent: You never stop learning, you never stop teaching and you should never stop having fun.

So back to the question.

"Me as a father. "Are you kidding me?"

Nope. And I couldn't be happier!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NATHAN!